Ok, America. Time for real talk. About your rear ends.
Now that the apocalypse is upon us and toilet paper is a commodity worthy of fighting in the streets for, maybe it’s time to install some bidet seats.
Give them a try in this time of TP scarcity, and you won’t go back. Trust me.
La Toilette intime ou la Rose effeuillée by Louis-Léopold Boilly
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Not to put too fine a point on it, but wiping yourself with a little square of thin paper is kind of ridiculous. You’re basically just smearing stuff around, and you’re leaving residue all over yourself.
A stream of water is much more efficient at cleaning. It’s also much more environmentally friendly–you may be using additional water at home, but by cutting down on your use of TP, you are saving way more water than you are using.
When I hooked up our first bidet seat, I was nervous trying it out. Sure, it takes some getting used to, but it’s a normal part of the process now.
I actually purchased and installed the first seat without consulting my wife because I was sure of two things: 1) she would have shot the idea down and 2) if she tried it, she would be all for it. My gamble paid off. At first, she was irritated and weirded out, but after a couple days, she was sold, and now she’s like me: being away from home and not having a bidet is a pain in the butt.
Want to know more? Here’s a great overview video from Tech Insider:
And then there’s this lovely visual:
While there are expensive bidets with electronics and such, we really weren’t set up for that, so I went for something more basic. I’ve made sure, however, to get models with a hot water hookup (it connects to the hot water line of your sink) to help keep things from freezing in the winter (I’m hoping the exaggeration is obvious, but it is nice to have warm water hitting your nether regions when it’s cold).
Here’s our current model, which is an attachment that goes under your existing toilet seat:
We started with a model by BioBidet that was integrated into its own seat with a lid, and I still miss the first one–the “aim” felt a bit more accurate–but the plastic of the seat started degrading after a couple years and cracking, hence the new one.
It seems to be holding up well, and it does the job. The temperature controls have a lot more effect on the temperature than our old model–it can go from cold tap water to super hot if you let it (depending on the temperature that you keep your household hot water at).
We’ve also been using this when traveling:
It can be a little awkward, but it’s nice to have a solution on the road. Though it’s not as effective as a full bidet, this could also be a good way to give the bidet concept a try–but if you’re easily frustrated, just go for a cheap seat so that you aren’t turned off by the difficulty before you experience the benefits.
So, that’s my little rant on the state of American posteriors. What questions do you have? Hit me up below or on social media. I’ll be happy to talk bidets.