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The Time Is Now! (For Bidets)

March 14th, 2020

Ok, America. Time for real talk. About your rear ends.

Now that the apocalypse is upon us and toilet paper is a commodity worthy of fighting in the streets for, maybe it’s time to install some bidet seats.

Give them a try in this time of TP scarcity, and you won’t go back. Trust me.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but wiping yourself with a little square of thin paper is kind of ridiculous. You’re basically just smearing stuff around, and you’re leaving residue all over yourself.

A stream of water is much more efficient at cleaning. It’s also much more environmentally friendly–you may be using additional water at home, but by cutting down on your use of TP, you are saving way more water than you are using.

When I hooked up our first bidet seat, I was nervous trying it out. Sure, it takes some getting used to, but it’s a normal part of the process now.

I actually purchased and installed the first seat without consulting my wife because I was sure of two things: 1) she would have shot the idea down and 2) if she tried it, she would be all for it. My gamble paid off. At first, she was irritated and weirded out, but after a couple days, she was sold, and now she’s like me: being away from home and not having a bidet is a pain in the butt.

Want to know more? Here’s a great overview video from Tech Insider:

And then there’s this lovely visual:

While there are expensive bidets with electronics and such, we really weren’t set up for that, so I went for something more basic. I’ve made sure, however, to get models with a hot water hookup (it connects to the hot water line of your sink) to help keep things from freezing in the winter (I’m hoping the exaggeration is obvious, but it is nice to have warm water hitting your nether regions when it’s cold).

  1. Disclosure: If you purchase items from the links below within a certain amount of time of clicking on them, I will earn a small portion of the sale. That does not affect my recommendations, though. For more information, see the full affiliate disclosure.

Here’s our current model, which is an attachment that goes under your existing toilet seat:

We started with a model by BioBidet that was integrated into its own seat with a lid, and I still miss the first one–the “aim” felt a bit more accurate–but the plastic of the seat started degrading after a couple years and cracking, hence the new one.

It seems to be holding up well, and it does the job. The temperature controls have a lot more effect on the temperature than our old model–it can go from cold tap water to super hot if you let it (depending on the temperature that you keep your household hot water at).

We’ve also been using this when traveling:

It can be a little awkward, but it’s nice to have a solution on the road. Though it’s not as effective as a full bidet, this could also be a good way to give the bidet concept a try–but if you’re easily frustrated, just go for a cheap seat so that you aren’t turned off by the difficulty before you experience the benefits.

So, that’s my little rant on the state of American posteriors. What questions do you have? Hit me up below or on social media. I’ll be happy to talk bidets.

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It’s OK to Ask for Help

July 1st, 2010

Though David Morrell’s talk last weekend at Seton Hill University did not specifically address this topic, he did touch on it, and I suppose recent events made me latch on. In his introductory remarks, he mentioned research and how you should strive to get details right (I agree!), so you should ask people for help. If you’re writing about cops, find a cop and ask questions. Need to know how an emergency room works? Go down to your local one. Most people, he said, will be willing to help out especially since they are curious about the process of writing.

I have to admit that I usually try to find answers to those types of questions myself. I love book research! But you do miss the authenticity of experience with that method. And what do you have to lose by asking?

As I hinted earlier, I’ve had some experience asking for help of late. This past weekend at Seton Hill, I had some car trouble thanks to a battery that decided it was on its last legs while I was a couple hundred miles from home. By the time I left early Sunday morning, I had been forced to ask for three jumps, including twice from the same campus security officer.

I felt like an idiot asking for help the second time, but I guess that’s life.

Whether it is because I am naturally an introvert, and perhaps even edging into shy in some situations, I do have difficulty asking for help. I’d rather not draw that kind of notice, and one of my driving impulses is to avoid inconveniencing others. I’m nearly obsessive about being on time because I’d hate to make others wait, and when it comes to decision-making time, I tend to consider first how my decisions will affect others. This applies to major issues all the way down to small things like how closely to the curb I should park my car.

I suppose that though I do worry about my so-called “carbon footprint,” what I most worry about is my “inconvenience footprint” (which plays into my environmental beliefs since I would rather not inconvenience the generations to come, not to mention the planet that has already given us so much).

And yet, I attempt to be a helpful person, not turning people down unless I really cannot help (I attempt to deflect the “Can you critique my 300-page novel for free?” questions as gently as I can–mostly it’s because people have no concept of just how much work that is). So why shouldn’t I allow myself to reach out and ask for help once in a while? I’ve been slowly going through my contact list, asking people to help promote the Kickstarter.com campaign for Fantastical Visions V, so I’ve been getting a bit more comfortable with the idea, especially since everyone has been so gracious about it, helping out in various ways.

So, maybe next January I’ll try to get up to Seton Hill a day or so early, look up my campus security officer friend, and ask if I can shadow him for a day to learn about the job for a supernatural thriller set on a college campus that I’ve been meaning to write.

I’ll swear to him that my car is in working order.

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